"It was a skim," I snarled, "A Very Delicate skim!"
We did some glaring. This New Bed doesn`t seem to be having quite the promised effect on our well-being.
Of course it`s a huge adjustment... our other had been with us for many-many decades and it really was time to phone the WeTakeAnyCrottmanand wave goodbye. (Fond memories…)
Choosing the replacement was hard - so many to bounce upon and so much these days for the kind and Determined salesman to explain: fillings and toppings and memory, tension and support…
But as soon as we spotted the Mesmeros Siren double bed with Balthasar headboard and two-drawer divan setin chocolate weave we Just Knew. (And I`m so glad we plumped for the optional Fish Tank).
It was delivered with a surprising bundle of leaflets. Modern beds, You Know, come with instructions. (or were they just for us…).
For instance, how often do You turn your mattress? I don`t think I wish to say… having read the Instructions. From now on though, we must rotate and turn the mattress Constantly toencourage upholstery fillings to settle more evenly. Sounds vaguely reasonable…
Except that they mean Every Week for the first three months, and thereafter with the change of season. The procedure (with diagrams) involves a 90 degreeTurn and Flip and RepeatTurn (to other corner) and Flip-again and Breathe and Sit Down and have a nice cup of tea.
We can cope with that (in fact George finds my help superfluous). It`s with the Leaflet of Many Rules that we struggle, particularly the Do NOTSit on the edge of the bed. Rule.
I mean, the salesman had indeed stressed the very wonder of Reinforced Edging in a mattress. It holds its shape against all mishap - never again would we find ourselves sliding unstoppably to the carpet down a slope of Weedy-edged mattress.
But it`s remarkable how hard it is not to sit on the edge of your bed. You`re wandering round the bedroom taking your shoes off… maybe changing your vest or pondering things… you naturally sit on the edge of the bed.
And how on Earth is one supposed to get in or out of bed if not with a mid-way sit?
Well, when I remember I try the old Back Flip manoeuvre but frankly, it had been a while…
But it turns out I can fling some fish-food in the tank at the same time – so they had thought of everything. Now, which page was that Stop-a-Snore button on…