Friday, April 17, 2015

I lost my Heart to a Full-Width Deli Tray...

 What does your fridge say about you? 


Well, we all forget to defrost sometimes, don`t we…

But wait – whatever lurks in your fridge could hold the secret to your future happiness!  At least,
if you`re single it could…  

For there is a man with an Exciting Plan – to boldly glean insights on your personality from the mere contents of your fridge, thence to match you with fridges compatible!

Hundreds of people have apparently sent pictures to this enterprising person (or should one say, fridge guru?), presumably in the hope of receiving a stack of compatible-contents pictures by return. 

And then?  What would you be looking for in the heart of a fridge?  Lots of style, colour and harmonious groupings,  or perhaps a hint of the wise and deeply metaphysical...? 

The guru could advise - he spent twenty years assessing his potential dates by fridge (some of them still went out with him).  His eventual bride dazzled him not least with her Champagne and "high-end condiments". 

I don`t know what a high-end condiment is, but George and I do have a pot of auntie Jean`s home-pickled beetroot, and a very sparkling wine from the champagne region of Aladidl.

Do consider carefully the state of your fridge before you let all and sundry in there.  It must be gleamingly clean and fragrant (guru does home visits too, you know), and entirely free of stuff still moving.  The message it conveys could change your life!

(Looking in our own fridge, I`m not sure it conveys any message other than We need a bigger one and Where`s that chipolata I was saving?).

Remember! this thrilling new service is for singles only so how is/was your fridge as a single? 
Mine always had a bottle of Dry Martini and a bottle of Tia Maria. 
(I know.  But they tasted different in those days). 

And there`d be one of those party  bottles of Liebfraumilch...  

And a loaf of Mother`s Pride.

But we didn`t have gurus to match us with other Sophisticated-Palate-Well-Organised`s - we just had to go clubbing to meet people, or take up beginners` badminton... Or walk around with a big sign on our head (which never worked either).

Things are different now, but that doesn`t mean they`re any easier...



JW10 said...

Great to see you blogging regularly, Dolores. I keep trying to subscribe. Honest. Anywhichways, I've found your latest.

I've never had a "single" fridge. I moved from my parents house straight to wedlock. Women have dominated the fridge unit in my lifetime. Men things (i.e cans of beer) have limited shelf space. I drink my beer lukewarm stoically knowing that it is still beer.

Tia maria! now that is a potion from the past. I tippled a few of them in bygone times.

Like the idea of a matchmaking fridge guru. Don't opposites attract?
A. Would an olive oil person be compatible with a spring water drinker?
B. Would a swordfish eater get on with someone with a pike in their fridge?

A (oil and water) B (saltwater fish and freshwater fish). I'll try and think of some C Ds and Es when my brain gets better.

Dolores Doolittle said...

THANK YOU JW for answering my desperate call.
`Regular blogging` is what You do and I vainly attempt, though I`m sure I used to splatt them out in early days of MyT. Were you there too, maybe in disguise?

Oh Tia Maria, you sweet sweet thing, and so devilish mixed with vodka. Guess those are two opposites attracting? Oh the joy of your brainteasers - what about a mild cream cheese eater and a potent blue stilton lover...?

Expat said...

I'm on my way, but dinner first.

JW10 said...

A big cheesy grin from me, Dolores.

I was quite late to the MYT party. We possibly could have been ships in the night. Aww, sad. But look at us now. Dearie Me!

Chemical compounds are created by two or more chemical elements that are different yet stick together (gaun yerself, Byran Ferry). As you know I drink by the bucketload the highly acidic Coca-Cola. I would be compatible with a high alkaline drinker of buttermilk. Chemistry does matter.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hi Expat, triffic to see you! How was dinner?

Imagine your fridge contents fluctuate with shopping time available. But there`ll always be enough to conjure up a creative tatoe & kipper banquet!

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hi JW. I`m sure we did pass in MyT nights, and ye, Expat and Canary. I was urged to dip in yesterday, and Ara and Bilby are still posting, and other familiar names. ( what d`you mean "look at us now", JW?? - we`re quite Magnificent). I mean - just look at your chemical teachings!

Obviously I don`t quite follow those, but I do suspect you have no giblets left. Can`t decide which would be the most ghastly between Coca-Cola and Buttermilk but I bet if you stuck them together, they`d make a very effective poultice.

JW10 said...

DD, blame me and my poor English writing skills for the misunderstanding. The look at us now was intended as a compliment as we are as now cyber friends forever and this is before we checked each others fridges.

At MYT I regularly interacted with CI but must have also just missed Expat to whom I send a big hello.

Those lovely ladies, ARA and Bilby, were the first two people to converse with me. Great times, great laughs.

Speak to you soon. Dinner finished, off to watch more cricket. Yes, cricket does matter.

Expat said...

Well, that was a marathon dinner! Truth be told, I was sidetracked by Morse and Endeavor.

But on to the topic at hand. What does my fridge say about me? It has to be said that I am a refrigerator slob. I have a side-by-side fridge freezer in the kitchen, and an upright freezer and another 'not so gently used' fridge in the garage for beer, soda etc. (well, this is America! We do things big) and they are all a mess! At one point, I bought wire baskets to compartmentalize the freezer items and that lasted about a minute. I am just psychologically incapable of having a sparklingly neat fridge. I swear that one day I will open the door and the mouldy leftovers will walk out in protest and demand their human rights.

I looked at the contents today. Some roast beef that was really good when I cooked it a month ago. Asparagus (how upscale is that!) that's now only fit for soup. Some pomegranate jelly that the other half bought in mistake for redcurrant jelly that we unknowingly ate with lamb and couldn't tell the difference. A dozen jars of this and that with a teaspoon of what ever it was in the bottom. On the plus side, I do have good cheese and organic eggs, so I expect brownie points there.

I am, I'm afraid, resigned to never having a fridge that stays organized or one that would pass the yuppie test, but who cares? Out of great chaos can come great creativity! You should taste my Kitchen sink soup!

Dolores Doolittle said...

Oh JW... It`s not You, it`s me.
For example, I suspect Bilby will never again ask me what a `Splodge` is, resulting in a 40-page explanation. (Look - she`d been in Australia - how was I to know she was joking)?

Dolores Doolittle said...

Expat - I knew Creative would be your fridge (My own Kitchen Sink Soup actually tastes of authentic Draino).

What a joy to have such an array of fridgeness! (please send spare Beef and Pomegranate). We used to have a beer&wine fridge in our shed across the yard - it shared the shed with the washing machine and an ancient loo (was a cute little cottage with a cute Little kitchen).

Patsy said...

One good thing about no longer being single is it's less scary to find things in the fridge that I don't remember buying.

Patsy said...

That's not the best thing - just in case anyone was deeply concerned about the state of our marriage!

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hi Patsy! Yes, those terrifying times when people would wander in off the street to deposit their baffling Stuff behind my unmarried yoghurt!

Although George`s weird cooking experiments make our current fridge contents still quite scary...