Sunday, February 21, 2010

Experts

Protectively garbed and brows furrowed, Luc and Fabienne peered down at the tray set out on the garden table.

‘Hi you two,’ we cried jovially, ‘are you doing a jigsaw?’ ‘Noooo!,’ snorted Luc, ‘we’re doing Nature! Experiments with slugs...’

Oh! Little Tinkers.

Sure enough, there on the tray were two black shrivelled-things, perhaps lacking the enthusiasm of these eight-year-olds.

‘Look!' continued Luc proudly. ‘We’ve got grass, garlic, ice, snow and chocolate. We’re seeing which they like best.’

‘Yes’ said Fabienne seriously. ‘They tolerated the ice very well, but didn’t seem to like the garlic… ‘ She removed a glove and scribbled some notes.

‘You’re not hurting them, though, are you?’ I whimpered.

‘Of course not!’ tutted Luc, ‘Slugs are one of our favourite things!’ And he wafted a slice of compensatory cucumber at where their eating ends probably were.

Fabienne pointed at a plastic box on the floor: ‘Yeah - See this?’ she growled. ‘This is their new home – we’ve put leaves, sticks, rocks and dirt in it – it’s perfect for them!’

It did actually look very comfy. Why had I never thought of Pet Slugs before…

'I bet you don’t even know what they eat!’ challenged Luc.

‘Well,’ I muttered, ‘They’ve always enjoyed our Pansies… And You’ve just demonstrated that ice is acceptable…’

‘But what they Really like,’ he said with a sigh, ‘Is Kale and Green Lettuce. They like sweet things too, so you can even let them eat cake! Tiny pieces, of course’ he added in the interests of slugs-confronted-by-ignorance.

I’d had No Idea! It seems there’s more to slugs than meets the eye - I wonder if they accept mature members in their Nature Club…

The next time we dropped in on his parents, I couldn’t wait to ask Luc how the slugs were getting on in their custom-constructed aquarium.

‘They’ve gone,’ he shrugged. ‘They could have escaped, I suppose, or maybe a bird ate them...’

He stared at me with a mixture of bafflement and concern: ‘Dolores, you’re not crying, are you?’

23 comments:

JW10 said...

Sorry to hear about the slugs, Dolores, a beautiful species if I do say so.

I'm not a pet person but when my boys were young we had a goldfish. Unfortunately it kept dying but I just kept buying another one and the lads were none the wiser. Eventually, unlike Peter Pan, they grew up and saw through my devious plan. Somehow though, probably to do with presents, they still believe in Santa Claus.
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hi JW. How Many Goldfish, one wonders, followed a similar path? (Or stream)? Specially the zillions that went home from fairs in a plastic bag... What Happiness they unselfishly offered!

I once managed to despatch several gorgeous tropical specimens by overfeeding while their Loving owners were on holiday. I'm still racked with guilt...

Jon said...

A little heartless, perhaps, but do you ever wonder why people don't eat slugs but are very happy to eat snails which are, let's face it, just slugs with shells on?

Canary Islander said...

When I have too many slugs, I think JD is OK. :-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

YES I Jolly Well DO, Jon!

If a homeless snail was laid side by side with a slug on our plate, which would we choose? A decision made particularly difficult were they lathered in garlic sauce...



CI - George is a huge fan of slugging Jack D too - perhaps that could be transformed into a delicate gastropodic coating...

Canary Islander said...

Dolores! I don't want to make a meal of this, but are you planning to put a slug in George?

Expat said...

Dolores, you auld softy, you! But that's part of what makes you so endearing.

Talking of slugs and snails and puppy dog's tails.....we do not have garden snails here! Isn't that strange? I haven't seen one in all the years I've lived in the USA. I wonder why.

We used to get the occasional slug here but then I stoppped planting dahlias. My old Dad the gardener used to deal with slugs by sprinkling salt on them. I've heard that putting out a saucer of beer is a good way of slug disposal, too: they can't resist it, crawl in and drown happily.

A suacer of Black Jack might work even better.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Well, CI, you've certainly given me food for thought there!
(Look - you're making Everybody do it - Stoppit)!!


Expat, yes, I like the idea of happy drowning, specially in warm chocolate...
But the Salt - Aaaaaarrrrggghhh!! It must make them Burst open like John Hurt in Alien!

JW10 said...

What strange Nation is it that eats Snails?
Bleuuurrgghhh!

I can't begin to imagine what they taste like. Give me Haggis anyday.

Canary Islander said...

A snail-offal haggis with a garlic-drenched snail on top sounds yummy.

People would shell out lots for the snails, and the haggis comes in its own stomach, for people who have no stomach for it.

And I like the way you captured the innocence and enthusiasm of the kids! :-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

JW - they're sort of like Tofu, but Bouncy - they become whatever flavour they're drenched with.

So CI, your Haggis/Snail assemblage certainly sounds appealing, perhaps with a Drench of Grand Marnier?

Canary Islander said...

Grand Marnier, Dolores?
Sea Snails go dyslexic with Mariner!

Canary Islander said...

I am snailing, I am snailing,
home again 'cross the sea.
I am snailing, stormy waters,
to be near you, to be free.

I am flying, I am flying,
Canary 'cross the sky.
I am flying, passing high clouds,
to be with you, to be free...

Dolores Doolittle said...

CI (you loony!) - your song brings reats to the eyes...

Canary Islander said...

Canaries are the most splendid of Finches, with colourful plumage. Recently, a humble young brown finch arrived on our balcony wall, took one look at our lemon tree, and darted across to perch on a lower branch. Working its way upwards, it happily seized and swallowed one caterpillar after another from underneath the leaves above. The little brown finch is now a daily visitor to our balcony.

How do they know, I wonder...?

Dolores Doolittle said...

Indeed, CI - when I see birds home in on our Grease Blobs on Toast, I wonder oif they're endowed with super-powers of sight & smell & stuff...

(Aren't you glad you're not a brown finch of the caterpillar-consuming variety...)

Expat said...

I was just happily browsing through some wonderful wildlife photographs on the DT (see the home page) and one frame showed the cover page of Wildlife magazine. One of the teasers for an article inside was....

HUG A SLUG

Dolores, you are not alone.

Anonymous said...
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Dolores Doolittle said...

"Hug a Slug", Expat? I'm not sure I'd go that far...
Not without a big pinny anyway

Expat said...

Oh, I am so relieved that you are OK!!! We have been concerned.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Thank you hugely, Expat - that's very kind. I've been over to CI, too

Canary Islander said...

Wow Dolores - I didn't know I could be such a worry-guts...
But you're back now, and OK, and that's what matters!

Dolores Doolittle said...

Thank you loads, CI - How I missed you all!