Friday, January 16, 2015

Hug a Snail



 
 
Snails can be beautiful creatures -
 
 
but did you know they can make us beautiful too?
 
 One of my Christmas stocking fillers this year was a face mask or rather, an Intensive Anti-Aging Moisture Maskrejuvenating, purifying, moisturising and made of Organic Snail Gel
 
Naturally, this conjured up worrying images of the collecting process… how is a snail persuaded to hand over its gel unless at gunpoint? Where does it keep its gel?
 
Well Obviously (I discovered) it doesn`t need its gel (slime, in fact) once deposited in the process of moving (during which it is indeed jolly handy - particularly on the vertical or the upside-down).  Once Snail has hastened away, its deposit can be scraped up and used with abandon.
 
Internet delving assures that no snail is harmed in the harvesting of its output and they`re kept in such heavenly free-range conditions, they probably don`t even notice all those bucket-wielders following behind.  As someone who rushes to transfer any wayward snail struggling up the bin-bunker to a juicy green bit of our patch, I do like to believe they`re happy in their work.
 
 
Snail slime, used in olden times to treat gastro-intestinal ulcers and coughs (much the same), is now a hugely popular beauty aid, discovered in no small part by Chilean snail farmers noticing how soft and gentle their hands were. (They could probably even Do Dishes with them)…

It`s perhaps best not to dwell on the actual gelly base product - that image will never be glorious but luckily they disguise it... 

I, for instance, would never have guessed the origins of my face pack and though I say it myself, the  results are almost as miraculous as it says on the tin -  I feel smoothed, plumped and revitalised – a completely new woman! 



Mmm… don`t suppose you`ve got any cabbage on you...?
 
 
 

14 comments:

JW10 said...

Long live the snails!

I like your disclaimer about no snails were harmed and only their slime was left behind.

Face masks, Dolores? Any other potions you fancy splashing/pouring/mudding on your visage. What about some squid ink? All the squids I've seen have lovely complexions.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Potions, JW - my favourite thing!

I haven`t had doings with the likes of squid ink before, but add a splash of vodka and a mess of potage and I`ll wager it`d bring a rose to anyone`s cheeks...

JW10 said...

These potions sound wonderful, Dolores. When my first wrinkle arrives I will come calling.
Olive looks stunning in the photograph. A genuine oil painting.

Dolores Doolittle said...

On first glance, JW, I thought you said When your first Winkle arrives - obviously thinking molluscly and in need of new Readers.
Not that I have any actual wrinkles - any potion of mine is purely Pre-emptive.
(Olive and I are practically twins...)


((why is this Robot check happening? I said No thanks))



JW10 said...

Robot check again, DD.

I don't know if I'm R2D2 or C3PO. Have started plastering engine oil on my face to retain my Beckhamesque robotic looks, y'know.

Oh no, brain overload.....whirrr...Exterminate, Exterminate. I've mutated into a Scottish extremist: Dalek Salmond.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Surely not Dalek Salmond, JW - in my eyes you`d definitely be more of a dashing ClooneyBot.

Or today, of course, a RobbieBot - Have loads of fun tonight!

Canary Islander said...

Repeat after me at snails pace:
She shelled snail shells by the sea shore. She shelled snail shells by the sea shore. She shelled shelled nail shells by the she shore. She selled shnails shells shelled shore.
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Oh She Eye - what a Joy to see you and your thought-provoking verse!

The snails on your exotic isle must surely be wondrous huge, polka-dotted and harvesting Human output. (And clever enough to find something useful in it)

Canary Islander said...

Are snails misers? And if not, why do we never see them shell out?
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Certainly not misers, CI!
Snails rush determinedly at the bar at their own Pace.

Canary Islander said...

I think the French like to see them shell out.
:-)

Expat said...

I love snails, especially in garlic butter or en cocotte with a little puff pastry hat on. I would attempt to concoct my own snails en cocotte, but there are NO snails in Maryland! Or if there are, they must know about my culinary aspirations and stay well hidden because I have never seen one here in the 30-odd years of my residence. I understand that there are giant snails in Florida, though. I stay away from Florida. They have 'gators down there and the only good gator is a barbecued one.

Dolores Doolittle said...

CI - "shell out"? whisper it gently...

Have to say I have enjoyed the odd snail shelled out. I like to think they`d had a long and happy life and were thinking beautiful thoughts to the end.

Dolores Doolittle said...

How splendid to see you, Expat! Where can all the Maryland molluscs be then, and what do they eat in Florida to make them grow? `Gators and people, maybe... with some fava beans and a nice chianti