Sunday, April 28, 2013

Cruel for Cats


‘Is he OK now, your cat?’ she asked, hurrying across the road as we came home the other day.

Well, not really… but he’s always been like that.

It transpired, though, that this woman had noticed a cat hooked by the claw in one of our front net curtains.   (Yes all right - Nets!   But we’re a handspan from a very busy pavement, and I like to keep our sordid goings-on to ourselves, thank you)!

Anyway, probably-Scully had apparently been struggling to unleash herself for aeons, and the concerned cat-lover had come over and rung the bell to alert us. With no answer, she’d crunched across our bit of gravel to the window to

sympathise. 

And Loh! With one bound the cat was free!

Instant terror at the unexpected Looming of anyone Not-Us had instantly done the trick!     
(We're hoping to get her down and reunite her with the toe very soon).

So that’ll be another on our little-sweetie-cats’ long list of sufferings since we cruelly transplanted them to this Completely Unsuitable dwelling. With practically NO garden! 

Scully doesn’t even deem our patch worthy of a stroll in.

Mulder has valiantly found he fits snugly into an old black cooking pot by the weeping cherry. (With which he seems to feel an empathy).
Gazing out from the tree's sad danglings, he dreams tormentedly of the old days – the neighbour’s vegetable patch (his loo of choice), the stream at the bottom of  the garden full of sparkly swimmy things, the bushes overrun with tiny tasty rodents…

Now both poor dispirited specimens resort to sleeping (all day) in the sun-drenched bay window, grumpily accepting generous comments of passers-by, for surely they areso sweet and gorgeous, Mavis - probably very young don’t you think…?’

In fact, Mavis, they’re seventeen and molly-well coddled...

Hark! Could that be the agonised howl of a cat desiring to come in immediately? Or that, the pained expression of one desperately needing a dollop of whatever we’re having for tea instead of Not flaming kittychunks again? And could we STOP plumping the settee back into shape, because they’ve spent hours getting the cushion concavity just right…

They seek solace in a hitherto unknown diversion  – TV.   If George and I are watching, we now squeeze onto the settee with both cats. Mulder particularly loves David Attenborough or Anything with birds - his head follows their flappings like a tennis match.

But it’s slightly worrying that only their heads are getting exercised; in the past they always worked hard to stay in shape...

What can we do to reinvigorate their lives, once more to see their merry, appreciative faces prancing in from The Tree and CookingPot for dinner?



It might take a while...

And Now! (at last - I couldn't make it work...) for the results of Canary Islander's painstaking Research (see his comment May 2nd):-



Splendid, CI - Thank You!

29 comments:

Bilby said...

Dolores, Dear One

If they are seventeen, they are jolly lucky to have survived the move, let alone expecting to be reinvigorated. However, if you are intent on going down the stimulation path, there are courses for Attack Cats. Not sure about their eligibility, age-wise, but you could lie and reap the insurance benefits.

As for your well-meaning neighbours, please see above para.

You are a wonderfully funny possum. That’s why I love you … and George of course … and the indolent cats.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Thank You, beloved Bilby, fount of all animal knowledge - I feel so much less guilt-racked now. How many fortunate critters are in Your care at the moment? (Space for two more)?

Attack Cats is a Splendid idea - they could reap in tons of dosh if we rent them out! All they need is a scary uniform and Edward Scissorhands extensions.
In fact they'd also be handy on sorties to the Co-op - it's dog eat dog out there...

Love & kisses to you and Ara from George & me & horrid cats.


Bilby said...

Dear Heart

You are the essence of responsible animal management. I was adopted by a Cat in Canberra which appeared from the shrubbery of my newly purchased house and demanded food. She was an evil beast, but who could blame her for being bitter and twisted after abandonment. You have not sinned in such a way, Dolores. Be proud, be very proud.

I would love to provide a home for your very lovable geriatric cats, but I fear that the extra travel, though undeniably short, will prove a step too far. However, if you can guarantee uniform laundry services and scissor sharpening, I’ll give it a go.

Love and kisses to all. x

Dolores Doolittle said...

Sweetest Bilby - I have read out the first sentence of that comment to Cats - it was greeted with the usual sneer.
Large Lumpy Jiffy Bag en route - thankee.

I once adopted a cat spotted languishing in a pub car park in the lonely Dales. All went well till I moved in with George & his two cats, well-ensconced and territorial.

Communal stroke-ins didn't work at all, so my street-wise tabby buggered off. Eventually found her in front of Roaring Fire of lady round corner, whose husband worked away all week and who Loved this sudden feline company. (of cat who at the sight of me, shrank back & tried to blend into the coal scuttle). A Happy Ending was had by all.


Expat said...

Have you and George been discussing in front of the moggies how furriners from the EU can arrive in the UK and get accommodation and benefits without having to actually do anything to earn their keep?

Cats know a good thing when they hear it. They're probably lolling around saying to each other "Just think, for all those years we thought we had to work for our supper! It's the good life for us from now on!"

Now, if you really want to scare them into a bit of healthy activity in their old age, you could always muse out loud about the Liverpool Pathway!

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hah! Well thanks to you, Expat, we're on to them now - fiendish little 'furriners'!

Going to train them to do the washing up... clip the hedge perhaps and take the rubbish out.

Was puzzled by 'Liverpool Pathway', specially when George said it's not a football thingy.

But I Google that it's end-of-life care suggestions (?). Care? - We shall just wave them off...

Canary Islander said...

Hi Dolores,
I've been doing some serious research here. Take a look at these!
:-)

Scully's catch of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5S5QZ5G1NQ

And I've just discovered this:

http://cheezburger.com/2150041856

:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hello Clever Detective CI! The sordid secrets of their colourful past - you've obviously been to the ends of the earth, the depths of the sea AND halfway to heaven to uncover them!

The publication of this evidence could make them real Prima Donnas...

Canary Islander said...

Wow - I'm really chuffed!
Thank you Dolores!
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

As are the happily hypnotised cats, CI ! - Pchaw to boring old Bird documentaries now...
x

Canary Islander said...

Hi Dolores,
I woke up in the night because one of my bedsocks had gone AWOL. It was whilst searching for it (and wishing for some catseyes to help me see in the dark) that the penny finally dropped. Your title - Cruel for Cats - reminded me of a TV pop show from the Fifties.
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Oh No CI - did you find the bedsock?

TV shows of the fifties - is it My Favourite Martian? or Rawhide perhaps? They weren't very pop though... I'm struggling.

The thing I just can't get out of my head is Squeeze's 'Cool for Cats' - could That be a fifties TV pop show?

Canary Islander said...

Hello again Dolores!
Yes, I mean no, and yes.

My missing bedsock became unmissing after I remembered that we'd been sleeping "topped and tailed". That made me look for the bedsock under my pillow, and sure enough, there it was - under my pillow. So I put the bedsock back onto my foot and fell happily asleep again. But I woke up yet again in a panic when I realised that my bedsock had gone missing for second time. And this time it had completely vanished.

It wasn't in the bed. It wasn't under the bed. And a thorough fingertip search provided conclusive proof that the bedsock wasn't lying around anywhere in the bedroom.

So I went downstairs to make a cup tea and think things over. That's when Kathy came downstairs to find out what was going on, and she asked me why I was wearing both my bedsocks on the same foot.

Cool for Cats !!! Yes, that's what I had been thinking about. That explained everything...
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Well at least they weren't keeping your Ears warm, CI...

Dolores Doolittle said...

You and Socks, CI...

It was Revealed on R4's wonderful 'The Unbelievable Truth' this evening, that wearing of bedsocks speeds the attainment of enormous joy for both men & women!

Now That explains everything...!

Canary Islander said...

Crikey!
And how about these cats - doing the unbelievable!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBfy_kjkt4I

:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Blimey, CI - Ninja Cats!

Not Very like Mulder & Scully, but hugely impressive and jolly useful for fending off Undesirables. Rottweilers? - Pchaw!

JW10 said...

Hello Dolores and everyone. Thank you for your kind thoughts. It has been appreciated.

Your cats are the bees knees, DD. Great to hear that they have taken over control of the TV remote. Cats on a Couch would make an exciting new Samuel L Jackson film.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hello JW! What a joy to see you see you - hope things are good with you and family.

Yes! Mulder currently glued to
34th retelling of top news story - shall prise him off MY cushion and proffer him to Samuel.

Can't wait to see him after makeover - I mean, just look what they've done for gorgeous Daniel Craig since 'Our Friends in the North'...
(or did they give him a makeunder for OurFriends'?

Canary Islander said...

Hi JW !
Glad you are back !
:-)

Expat. said...

JW, how very good to see you back among us! You have been much missed.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Looking forward to one of your fablitudinous blogs too, JW, (when your frenzied Schedule gives you a gap. The mere quiver of anticipation will suffice till then)!



And HAPPY MERRY BIRTHDAY, EXPAT, for tomorrow!! Have a terrific day!

JW10 said...

Thanks all for the warm messages. It is good to be back.

It’s been that long I’ve forgotten how to write a blog, Dolores. I’m hoping the muse will come upon me soon.

Nice sock vignette, CI. Made me laugh.

And a Happy Birthday from me for tomorrow, Expat. You’ll still be reeling from sir Alec’s resignation.

Anonymous said...
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Canary Islander said...

Happy Birthday, Expat.
And many happy returns!
:-)

Anonymous said...
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Expat said...

Thanks, all! Much appreciated.

Yes, JW, the stepping down was a surprise. But a much more pleasing surprise was Wigan's win today. Not that i'm gloating or anything....

Dolores Doolittle said...

Yes Expat - brilliant surprise by underdog Wigan! and in a Cup Final to boot! (I gather.)
(I'm talking such crotte here, but George has explained).

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