Thursday, September 20, 2012

In case of Emergency, break out Glamour Poncho



For an essential shopping trip to The Big Town, how fortunate we'd chosen a day of gentle showers.

I ducked soddenly into my favourite BigTown bookshop for a distracting delve and eventually, loins girded, took my merry New Yorker birthday cards and my Clare Boylan to the till. 

'And would you like an Emergency Poncho with that?' muttered the assistant without much conviction.

I declined, pointing out that I was so wet already, a plastic poncho on top would turn me into a steaming great greenhouse.  'OK,' she sighed, and explained,  'We bought in a truckload for the Festival.  It was cancelled at the last minute due to a forecast of inclement weather...'

I mentioned this cruel circumstance to George when we collided outside the Goat and Spinnaker.

'And you didn't buy one?' he gasped, rain ricocheting off his ears.

'Well...'

'Dolores,' he said, 'In this deluge of a summer, £2.99 is a surely a small price to pay for such reassurance. You can just stick it in your handbag and forget it.'

There are already many things stuck in my handbag and forgotten. I suppose as tat goes, this could turn out to be handier than most of it...


The assistant at the till seemed surprised at my change of heart. She now had to ferret about under the counter, where she'd stuffed her artistic display of ponchos in an evident loss of all hope. I must say, the dinky little packet was encouragingly bright, and had the word GLAMOUR  emblazoned over a cartoon image of a fifties Glamourous Person suggesting the overall filmstar effect it would endow. 


It also had a jolly joke about raining Cats and Dogs and stepping in a Poodle!!!  Plus an ominous warning:  'This is a single use emergency poncho! (although with careful handling it may be re-used)'.

What a disappointment!  I'd imagined my poncho sticking thickandthinly by me for years to come!  

If your handling hadn't been very careful, I suppose you could find something else for it to do: why not stretch the remains out on the mud, for example, and lay out a picnic. Then wrap the leftovers in it.
Or you could use it to haunt people...







 
In fact, haven't we all at some stage, hankered after just such a garment.



The other week, George and I saw loads of them in use at a Morris Dancing extravaganza - what better way to keep enormous bells and whistles dry? (I bet these dancers wish they had them)!












I haven't unleashed my Emergency Poncho yet, the summer becoming quite sunny as it blends into autumn. And I couldn't quite banish the image of those concertina head-scarf rainhats from the sixties.


How does one glamourise a poncho, I pondered...





Right - I'm off to add a fistful of tassles 

_

27 comments:

Canary Islander said...

Pon my Cho Dolores !!!

The original poncho-style Packamac was manufactured in a transparent plastic material and was diaphanous in dry clement weather, which required us (in the interest of public decency and personal modesty) to wear additional garments underneath.

But when it rained, the build-up of bodily steam inside the Packamac rendered it opaque, and we could discard all semblance of modesty with gay abandon. Naked steamed-up packamac-ers with a Clint in their eyes abounded in those merry days of yore...

Lovely to see you up front and back!!!
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Oh Thank You, CI, and What an image! Were there Clubs of steamy naked packamac-ers? With special beaches and camps, perhaps...
Had I but known!

Expat said...

Well, I thought I would be free of the work crunch but it is still ongoing. I keep going by dreaming of our vacation booked for October at the beach..and I am reminded of a previous vacation at Niagara Falls. We went on the Maid of the Mist, a little boat crammed full of people that actually goes underneath Niagara Falls. In essence, you pay to get soaking wet, or you would get soaking wet if a certain article was not included in the price of the ticket. and that is...you guessed it... a disposable PONCHO!

Light blue, and emblazoned with a Maid of the Mist boat, it was my souvenir of the trip. I vowed to wear it for every sudden downpour thereafer to keep me dry, but in reality to show off where I'd been.

Alas the poncho never made it to the car for the trip home. I blame the other half. He was a bit of a wet blanket and didn't come on the ride. He must have been jealous of my trophy so he disposed of my disposable.

Now, I am reduced to an umbrella, which I do not share with you know who. Maybe I'll bend a little and get him one of those hair-do savers for the man-purse I'm buying him for Christmas.I just know he'll love that!

JW10 said...

Welcome back to the world of blogging, Dolores. You must have got a rude awakening when you saw the new Blogger layout in post mode; it threw me as well.

You must tell us when the emergency poncho will make its debut. Hope you’re working on that squinty-eyed look and chewing a cigar out of the side of the mouth in preparation for the day you swagger in the rain. You could even mix Clint with a bit of Gene Kelly and sing in the rain while poncho attired.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Zowee Expat - talk about thrills and Glamour! And could you sense the glowing aura of Marilyn as you surged through the Falls? Surely a favourite film of many...

George visited Niagara many goodly years ago, Before Disposables! Ponchos were grey and rubber, & you slicked on the sweaty festering garment of several who went before.

A 'hair-do saver in a man-purse' - Oh Fortunate other half!

Dolores Doolittle said...

Thank you greatly JW and Yes, how I struggled with Blogger, specially the flaming photos! They're not at all in position And I lost one entirely...

I shall indeed practise a ponchified swagger (squinty-eyed look is natural). And Gene Kelly! - the swirl of a poncho round a lamp-post - Fab idea!

JW10 said...

Hi DD, that unused rain poncho is burning a hole in your pocket, I bet you can’t wait to air it. Have you been trying any rain dances to bring forth the thunder?

Dolores Doolittle said...

What a splendid idea, JW! Or I could just take it to the beach - it'll go perfectly with the cardis & windbreaks, and will make a fab paddling outfit.

Canary Islander said...

I think the headless honcho in the grey poncho is the head honcho. He looks legless, but I don't think he's harmless even though he looks armless.
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Well that clears That up, thank you CI.

The thing I find Most disturbing about the honcho is the Hint of a Luminous Blob in the centre of where his head would presumably have been - What can it be?

I suspect a tiny creature has slipped inside the dark comfy recesses of honcho's poncho while he was out. Happens a lot, I hear...

Canary Islander said...

A hint of a Luminous Blob in the centre of where his head would presumably have been... ?????

Ye Gods, Dolores - well spotted ! I think you are on to something!

I've right-clicked on the image and scraped off a screen sample of the Luminous Blob for forensick analysis.

And don't worry about cross-contamination; the sample is secure. I popped it into a small clear plastic bag with a secure padlock attached, and I'm on my way to laboratory now.

:-)

PS Don't tell Clint.

JW10 said...

If I were a betting man (and I'm not) I'd bet there is a marmot inside the poncho. Await your results with great anticipation, CI.

Especially, as I've a fiver riding on it.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Yucky-Pucky CI! Is it moving? Don't poke it in case it gets angry. As might Clint, and apparently, We wouldn't like him when he's angry.
Looking forward to your report, CI!



JW, Could it Really Be a marmot? God - they get everywhere. I'd Bet you'd even find one lurking in that library of yours...

Canary Islander said...

Aaaarghhh...!!!
I knew I couldn't make it on my own, travelling with the precious sampleso far East of Clintwood. But there was one friend North of the Border who I could bet my life on.

Who else would stand beside me, and face down Rowdy Harry, when he asked us to make his day, punk?

So I telephoned Jay Dubbelu. Yes, his pole vaulting days were behind him. Yes, he'd spent time in a bucket shop. BUT YES(!), he needed the money as much as I did.

After a tense negotiation, we reached agreement. The bet was split 50-50. And Jay Dubbelu had a sailor friend who made Rowdy Harry's day pink.

It was a Marmot, Dolores.
:-)))

Canary Islander said...

Yippee!
♪♫♪ Two pound fifty at a hundred to one!
♪♫♪ Two pound fifty at a hundred to one!
♪♫♪ Two pound fifty at a hundred to one!
♪♫♪ Two pound fifty ...

Jay Dubbelu?
Jay Dubbelu?

Where are you Jay Dubbelu?

Sailor...?

....
...
..

:-)

JW10 said...

CI, Mucho LOL's and happy faces from your last few comments.

It's a worry that Pinkie seems to have infiltrated All the Days of Dolores as well. No doubt his poncho is pink.

Dolores Doolittle said...

A stirring tale, CI, if slightly confusing for a dimwit (I nearly googled Jay Dubbelu)! And grasping the punk-pinkie thing went to Brighton & back...

And I was particularly concerned that I'd been infiltrated.

You scallywags!

Canary Islander said...

I've just now Googled Jay Dubbelu, and the top link shown by Google is...

All the Days of Dolores!!!

You are famous Dolores!
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

God you're right, CI - isn't that creepy? Even innocuous comments are Being Watched...

There's also an interesting 'van dubbel u en geke hond' and a 'jay em dubbel-u jay'.

Being Famous is exciting though! - glad I put my best photo up

Canary Islander said...

I wonder if I can do it again...
CI sounds like SeeEye, or SeaI or Seeeye or Seaeye...

(back in a mo...)
:-)

Canary Islander said...

Sob!
I can't make me famous on Google...
:-(

Dolores Doolittle said...

Oh CI, greatly Celebrated Individual, and surely Renowned without the need of google...

Canary Islander said...

Thank you Dolores!
Look, you unsobbed me!
:-)

Expat said...

There is a Dolores Hotel in Playa Del Ingles on Grand Canary. The roof garden with nudist area sounds particularly interesting.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Good heavens, Expat, a startling idea! Shall start a chain - there are loads of hotels on this island too that could surely benefit...

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