Tuesday, October 18, 2011

BUY me!


Sought-after location; beautiful, quirky yet cosy cottage feeling (no trace of the abattoir); recently fitted kitchen; lovely relaxing garden with chalet/workshop; fantastic conservatory; en-suite to master; three reasonable bedrooms (well, wouldn’t want to boast…); dual-aspect bathroom with plumbing, talking-point kitchen…

Last week, we viewed 27 such properties in four days in our quest to buy before the chuck-out date on the one we’ve just sold (utterly charming, two multi-functional cellars and some very attractive gravel). After nine splendid years in France it’s time for a new adventure in an unexplored part of the Old Country. And this initial exploration has revealed a friendly, bustly place we love already.

Agents’ details are fabulous these days aren’t they - floor plans, photos and street views, but at the end of a Nine-House day, you can easily forget which one had the handy-hatch-through-to-kitchen, or the fire that was welcomingly lit. (Yes OK – well it worked)!

So I started scribbling surreptitious notes on the details as we went round, like a burglar making an inventory… owner was reading in deckchair;  

couple watching X-factor on big-screen TV; hideous sheep wallpaper; outside loo - filled up with lawnmower



Later we couldn’t decipher these essential reminders at all, so have probably made an offer on the wrong house.

There were of course, some properties you couldn't forget, like the haunted one (rumour has it that ghosts abound in the vicinity). This particular phantom had been a solicitor, apparently, and can be glimpsed on the stairs – certain members of the family have refused to sleep upstairs for fear of his ghostly legs.

The agent related this calmly and neutrally, but said that by law, they have to tell us. Surprising, I thought – and it made me wonder if before leaving the parental home, I should have divulged the seances we used to hold in Mum and Dad’s dining room - SOMEthing was pushing that glass…

(I might mention here that I searched youtube for ghost-on-stairs clips and frightened the Hell out of myself - hence somewhat unsatisfying yet appealing sketch of blue man holding ball of fire, but with nice Wispy Legs).

Another vendor was selling because of divorce - perhaps her heart wasn’t in it when she said, ‘Oh yes – that forest across the road is going to be built on soon, with a Whole New Estate!  Have you got cats, by the way? They’ll love it here – loads of cats. And rats…’


I'd definitely like to put in a word for the agents we met, who were delightful, dynamic and diligent. And their Secret Lives were fabulous: we met an ex prison governor (who would have thought that the most realistic prison drama is Porridge?!); a singer/dancer/actress; an eight-stone female bouncer who bounces by wordly persuasion - it paid well at uni and she loves it;  and a horse dentist!

But possibly the most surprising agent was the one who'd won the office prizes for selling, who surrendered his free time to phone us or drive us round, who worked frenziedly to find exactly what we wanted and then, when he delivered us to a house, said Absolutely Nothing as we looked round.  He stood silently watching us with neither smile nor frown nor utterance - it was most disturbing...  In fact I think his presence may one day linger on in the odd property or two...


And oh god - we're moving at Christmas!

36 comments:

Jon said...

You're leaving us?! How will we manage? You are going to keep the blog up....

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hello Jon! Leaving, but only in body, thankee greatly for asking. Shall try & make greater effort on feeble post frequency.

It's complicated swapping countries, though, isn't it - I really wish it was 2012!

Dolores Doolittle said...

PS - How nasty that sounds! It's just the process I want to be over - We shall shed many tears...

Expat said...

You bought!!! Are you going for the wild and magnificent scenery or the 'friendly pub with live music within staggering distance' location? Oh, whatever you've chosen it will be lovely. And let's face it, on the IOW nothing's that far away anyway.

My nephew never did get back to me, so apologies for that. But I do know he loves life there. And you will fall in love with the donkeys at Carisbrooke Castle.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Thank you Expat, for splendid encouragement - and donkeys to boot - oh Joy!

We hurtled, investigated & ruminated (hurriedly) on the wild west and the urban east, and finally plumped for 5min walk from bustly town centre yet, as you suggest, only half-hour Bus to beauteous cliffs.

Delighted to say that friendly pubs abound Everywhere!

It's a gorgeous island, and the only reason it came to mind was a mention George heard on the radio -Peter White's childhood frustration at not being able to thrill to Alum Bay's coloured sands. (he's blind).

Funny how a seemingly inconsequential teenything can lead to a complete diversion of path...

Anyone else?

JW10 said...

Well done Dolores. A marvellous piece on house hunting and haunting. Delighted that all has went well for you.

Also impressed with your fancy align left/ align right photo uploads. Your expertise will soon know no bounds. Before long you'll be hacking into the NASA website.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Thankee hugely, JW. Do You Know... I have no idea how that alignment happened - it never does what is expected and usually deletes a dollop of text while it's at it.
(don't mention the nasa thing...).

What teenything led you up an unexpected path? - I'll wager you've had many such adventures

Canary Islander said...

Gosh, I'm absolutely thrilled - balancing a sale and a buy is difficult enough in normal times, let alone in times like these, but to sell in one country and buy in an another with such consummate ease deserves a celebration!

Where do I send the champagne magnum (and can I send me with it?)
:-)

Canary Islander said...

Gosh, I'm absolutely thrilled - balancing a sale and a buy is difficult enough in normal times, let alone in times like these, but to sell in one country and buy in an another with such consummate ease deserves a celebration!

Where do I send the champagne magnum (and can I send me with it?)
:-)

Canary Islander said...

Crikey - it seems I'm doubly thrilled!
xxxx
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Well doubly thankee, CI! And we shall be thrilled to see you and your magnum multitudinous times!

Biggest fiasco at the moment is of a Cat nature - how to prove them tick-flea'd within the permitted miniscule Window that includes the ferry crossing they're not allowed on as foot passengers, and we'll have sold the car by then...

Aaaaaarrrrggghhh (It's a good thing I don't have any Real problems to solve isn't it)

JW10 said...

It can be dangerous dabbling in the arcane art of photo-aligning, Dolores. All manners of spanners in the work can happen.

Talking of dabbling in the occult reminded me of a few years ago when a few friends and I tried a séance. To this day I am convinced the glass moved supernaturally. It glided across the board. We quickly brought the "game" to a halt and for piece of mind blamed each other for pushing the glass. Though it definitely moved itself. Very scary. Not helped by one of the members saying we have to smash the glass to free the spirit. Say What! Smashing tumblers is sacrilegious.

Did you have any unusual occurrences during your dabbles?

Dolores Doolittle said...

Yes we did, JW... We were all about 16, and we conjured up the glass-poking spirit of a former student of our Very School, who'd died in a swimming accident on Sports Day. (!!!)
The glass was whizzing round the letters like A Thing Possessed...
We didn't do it any more.

Once worked with a guy who regularly conjured up spirits in his house, to say hello to his departeds I think. He & wife changed their minds after summoning a particularly talkative phantom who needed exorcising.

I won't sleep tonight, you know...

JW10 said...

Dolores that was a chilling last comment. I don’t think I’ll ever put the lights out in the house again. I have been forced into panic buying a huge stockpile of bulbs. Even before the bulbs are dead I change them on a rota system. My wife says I’m like a Vestal Virgin keeping the sacred flame alight. My sons call me Scooby-Doo because of my fear.
These names don’t bother me as long as there is light.
Last night there were a lot of electrical appliances on at the same time and this surge in power resulted in a power cut. The house was engulfed in darkness. I dived for safety under the bed. Beside me was a quivering ghost. This confused me. I asked it what it was doing.
“I’m scared of the dark.” it said.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Oh Poor Ghost, JW - Death's Hard Enough without having a darkness phobia.

Your bulb-replacement scheme is admirable. But do you find those sodding Energy-Saving versions that claim to last for eight years (hence exorbitant price), explode every month? It's all A PLOT!

If George is away I get fearsome Fear of the Dark so illuminate garishly the house, and have Radio 4 on all night - you can't have anything more soothing to keep waking up to.

JW10 said...

Just my luck, Dolores, everybody else gets an exciting ghost while I get a boring one.

The bulbs I dislike are the ones that come on dim and progressively get brighter the longer they're on. By the time the light is bright enough it's time for bed.

Dolores Doolittle said...

You're RIGHT to dislike them JW - it's like waiting for the oven to heat up.

D'you have Dimmer Switches anywhere for ambience lighting? There was one here when we moved in - handily positioned in the loo!

Bilby said...

Well done, Dolores! I'm so pleased for you both.

I had a holiday on the IOW with my best friend and fell in love with a fruit bat at a rather ghastly zoo. How I doted on that bat! We were reminiscing recently and I waxed long and lyrical, feeling confident that she shared my adoration. She looked at me blankly and said she has no recollection of said bat. Sigh.

As for ghosts, they're rather fascinating, imo, but I wouldn't want to live with one.

Happy moving, Dolores! :)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Thank you, Bilby, and how lovely to hear from you!
Have just googled image-wise bats of the fruit kind - they're GORGEOUS - I want a flock!

You'll have to come over and we'll search the undergrowth for them...

(What does "imo" mean? Is it a trendy thingy like lol)?

farming-frenchstyle said...

Why is it other people's blogs trigger past memories? Will do a blog of one of my moving experiences.
Hope you manage to keep blogging though and let us know how you settle down.
Good luck.

Bilby said...

You can search the undergrowth, if you feel it would be fruitful, Dolores, and I'll look in the trees. ;)

I used to see them in my garden once a year when the gum trees were blossoming and filling the air with the smell of honey. Yum!

fyi, "imo" means "in my opinion".

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hi f-f, & thanks for popping in. I see on the list up there that you have moved or are in the process - shall whizz over to find out!

Taking a whole farm-full, of course, transcends the pain of a common or garden move - I feel calmer about ours already...

Dolores Doolittle said...

Oh hfh Bilby!! (ho flaming ho) - So you meant the FLYING fruit bats...

Think I'll buy a gum tree and climb up it for a while

Bilby said...

I'm too convulsed with laughter to ask for a link to the Greater Creeping Fruit Bat, Dolores. :)

I've missed you ... and George, of course. xx

Dolores Doolittle said...

Lunatic Bilby! You make us so happy - Come! - come with us up a gum tree...

JW10 said...

Dolores, you are a star.
you too, Bilby. :-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Oh, kind JW - DO come up the tree and see our etchings...

Bilby said...

How bold, Dolores!

Yes, please do, JW. :)

JW10 said...

Bilby, always great to hear from you; another star in cyberspace.

As long as there's no ghosts or jolly green giants I would love to go up the gum tree with your good self and kind-natured Dolores.
Ready.
♪ Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum
We're going up the tree of gum ♫

Dolores Doolittle said...

Why JW! You can really Sing!!
(we'll be humming that all day now...)

Don't forget your fiddle (to ward off the giant green ghosts of tree-climbing bats)

Bilby said...

You are a sweetie, JW! I am not a star, but can shine in the light that is Dolores. How can one not?! :)

She is totally batty, of course, in a good way, as are you.

I like the company here.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Do you Know, Bilby-Star-of-Much-Twinkle, I've just finished my tea & found your comment lurking in my hotmail, for some reason,so Rushed to publish!

Canary's post today has pics of his beloved's gorgeous grandson - really heartwarming!

Bilby said...

Just lost a comment for some reason which is beyond my understanding.

Thanks, Dolores. I popped in to see Canary the other day and his post was as heartwarming as the baby is adorable.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Sorry, Bilby - it's the After-Two-Weeks they get checked upon. Had to do it cos was getting loads of horrid spam adverts

Just published new post if you can stand it...

Bilby said...

No worries! Just confused because my comments were cleared so quickly yesterday ... because you were 'around', no doubt.

I am made of stern stuff, Dolores, and can handle catastrophes and a certain amount of caterwauling. Will catch up as soon as pussible.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Thank you, kind Bilby! xx