Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Trouble with Gravel...

 
 
…is its unruly behaviour.

Have you got Gravel? Would you like some? Had you, like us, occasionally dreamed of covering over that scruffy bit of mud and weed, yet never confronted the task?

Until a delighted friend described how a Nice Gravel Delivery Man had simply steered his lorry round their garden, depositing an even gleaming layer, before driving off beamingly.

We’ll do it! quoth we.


Things got off to a disappointing start when our delivery man couldn’t get his enormous lorry through the gate, so emptied his mini-skips just inside it. He then looked back and forth weighing up the four mountains of gravel and our yard, and said, ‘You mean, you’re going to spread it all round here?’


This was puzzling – did we need more gravel? More yard? But with a baffling gallic shrug and a snort and a Hearty Hi Ho Silver, he was Away...



Since all comings and goings via the gate were now somewhat hampered, we set to with frenzied rake and wheelbarrow to spread the stuff around. It took two days of groan and ache and ‘Go away! I'd just got that bit Perfect!’


Anyway, when at last we’d rolled the final pebble it was Fabulous and fortunately, a timely downpour dispelled the cloud of dust and transformed its appearance from stumps of blackboard chalk to Real Gravel!  Why hadn’t we done this years ago? Perhaps we should be thinking water feature and trellis while we’re at it…


The cats weren’t quite as thrilled as we were – they gave it a delicate poking, then shot across as if on hot coals. Undershoe, it was satisfyingly crunchy, except when scaling the slight incline to the gate when it was like snowboarding up a glacier in an avalanche. "Bit slidy, isn’t it?" yelled a visitor as his car veered out onto the road.

Fine tuning, that’s all it needs…

And then came the Weeds… sprouting triffidly between every stone. Surely that’s not right? Surely gravel not only looks smart but keeps weeds at bay?

No. Weeds are kept at bay by weeding, and weeding gravel is particularly irksome. If you pull a dandelion out it brings its clump of earth with it and leaves you with a gravelly soil mix. You must scrape away; weed; scrape back.

So we asked around and we googled and we experimented. (Avoiding cat-killing chemicals).

We concluded that:  you need several vats of salt&vinegar potion ro de-weed half a square metre of gravel; that point-blank steamer nozzling was surprisingly useless (although it permanently de-skinned my finger en route); and that George’s crème-brûlée blowtorch was really satisfying one weed at a time but we could do with an industrial-canteen-sized one.

I’ve also been out there thrashing the weeds in the manner of John Cleese. But just for my own satisfaction really…


Well, we’ve just had another torrential downpour, and I can see the weeds Bursting Forth anew. And suddenly the answer’s clear – Paint It Green! I was delighted to find that Green Gravel exists!  (They seem to be suggesting you can also use it in your aquarium!


 I think this "Neon" is particularly attractive. (How many 5lb bags are there in 4 tons)?

Now for appropriate burst of Mott the Hoople:

22 comments:

JW10 said...

Great blog, Dolores, you certainly know your gravel. Amidst a myriad of funny moments I especially liked your Gravel man speeding off like the Lone Ranger.

My experience of gravel is as hurtful for me as it is for your cats. In Glasgow a lot of football in my youth was played on gravel pitches. Believe me when I tell you I have many scars on my legs from scraping along the floor.

You Tube have changed their tune, so to speak. To find the embed code for videos press the share button under the screen. From here click on the Embed box and then do the usual, select all, copy and paste. I know it sounds even more complicated than before. Trial and error, DD. If you have the time you could try and re-edit those videos. Love Mott the Hoop.

Expat said...

JW, you have reminded me of a particularly painful hockey match against Cheltenham Ladies College. Those ladies were no ladies and the gravel pitch was horrendous. Of course, we had only ever played on grass so they had a huge advantage. Did I mention they weren't ladies?

D.D., There's air space between the gravel 'chunks' even though you can't see them. Weeds love air space. And pea gravel chunks are small enough to be pushed aside by detemined weeds. The trick is to lay special fabric under the gravel before you spread it. But you can't do that on a slope. So since ferocious weed killer is out of the question with the kittys, I guess it's the old pull-and-swear technique for you.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Thank you greatly, JW, and commiserations on your agonised legs!

You know, for one ecstatic moment there, I thought you were going to give us a Youtube link to your Scars - ho hum! Shall console myself by trying to load the vids Properly as you describe (I knew there was something different between your youtubes & mine)...

Dolores Doolittle said...

Expat - you were horrendously wounded too! Shall never indulge in anything remotely Sporty in our stony old yard now. (it had always been unlikely...)

The weed thing makes complete sense now, thank you - If Only I'd posted our intentions before we plunged into te Act! Perhaps we should just surrender and make it a rock garden...

Dolores Doolittle said...

By George, I think I've Done it! Thank you zillions, JW, for your instructions (which I still managed to bugger up & display things in wrong order, intertwined and Just Wrong)!

Shall keep your handy hints for next time.

Canary Islander said...

Dolores - I'm confused. Why didn't you find the weed before getting stoned?
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hi CI! We don't need weed to be off our heads... But perhaps there are opportunities in this fertile gravel?

Canary Islander said...

Dolores, you are Brilliant!
Anyone who makes an absolute Hash of gravel around their Joint is High in my esteem!
:-)

JW10 said...

Glad to see you uploaded the vids, DD, and loved your “By George” exclamation.

It would have to be extreme You Tube for my leg scars; 18 certificate and all that. It was recommended in the days back then that you should scrape your gravel rashes with a harsh brush after playing. This was too painful for me. I would let the wound heal into a scab that then dropped off eventually.

Have you bought Doc Martens boots for the cats?

Canary Islander said...

JW, football scars are like swimming - mostly caused by diving.

I'll show you a Rugby scar (mine), if you show me yours. Challenge?
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

OK CI - Further resistance on my part would be Useless! Liquorice Allsorts always worked better for me anyway...

JW - "scrape your gravel rashes with a harsh brush" - what sort of repute did this place have? (have you kept any of the scabs)?

CI/JW - Interesting Challenge... can I come?

Canary Islander said...

Dolores, of course you can, and you can be the judge!

Kathy has just now kindly measured mine, and she tells me it's 19cm long. But she says it is difficult to measure, because it is curved. The operation to sew it back together took place on my birthday in January 1974!
:-)

But back to the topic! I have LOVED dandilions since childhood. There's so much pleasure in blowing the seeds off and watching them float away in the breeze. And who knows? Maybe some of them soared up high, made it across the Channel, and got carried to a garden in the Loire valley...
:-)

JW10 said...

The scab fairy has taken all my scabs away, Dolores.

In my last comment I didn’t want to stir the pot. You have thrown down a challenge that I cannot ignore, CI. (Gulp! 19cm! Gee Whizz (from Bizz))

I neglected to say that my school had a football team and a rugby one. The footballers played on gravel while the big girl’s blouses played on grass.
RE: The Challenge. I hope the independent adjudicators closely inspect the rugger wound. Rugby fellows have been known to use fake blood on occasion. :-)

Expat said...

Only 19 cm, CI? Pshaw! I've got a gall bladder scar bigger than that!

My hockey scars are mostly internal.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Ho heetly ho, Expat! You Must bring yours to the challenge!

CI - STOP BLOWING!!

JW - I used to go out with one of those "big girl's blouses", and used to inspect his Hideous Wounds very closely indeed. That Gore was Real!

Canary Islander said...

Hello Gallus, Galling and Gallic!

I've now published my scar. (any comments here please!)
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

No - Everyone must go Forthwith to CI's blog, and view his Full Glory!
(some of your full glory, anyway, CI)!
http://canaryislander.blogspot.com/

Canary Islander said...

Good Morning, Dolores!
How was the barbecue? We had a great night out too, dining with friends in a mountain Mirador overlooking a huge chunk of the southern coastline. We spent a while admiring the scenery before entering the restaurant.

And I thought of you as I heard the crunch, crunch, crunch of feet on gravel approaching the restaurant from below.

Unfortunately there were no dandelions to hand, so I had to make do by just blowing you a kiss...
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Ah yes, CI, the gentle waft making its way through the charring fumes - thank you, CI - topped the evening off beautifully!

Someone had also brought along a Chinese lantern - you light a candle thing inside and it gently inflates and takes magically off (as you may know).

Had to look up 'Mirador' to find it was a Viewpoint (Had thought puzzledly it was a beetle). Glad you had splendid time too...

Canary Islander said...

Hi Dolores!
I thought I should answer the question posed at the end of your blog.

4 tons = 4x2240lbs = 8960lbs.
Divide by 5lb gives you 1792 bags.

PS. 8960 and 1792 are interesting!!

8+9+6+0 = 23 and 2x3 = SIX.
1x7x9x2 = 126 and 1+2+6 = NINE.

Yippee! The answer is always 69!

Dolores Doolittle said...

Crikey, Thank you, CI - Think we need a bigger wheelbarrow...

(It's always Reassuring about The Other Thing...)!

Canary Islander said...

Dolores - you may be needed over at JW's blog to adjudicate...
:-)