Saturday, September 4, 2010

Sleeping with The Fridge

‘I know!’ beamed George over cooling Weetabix in a recent heatwave. ‘Tonight we’ll take the mattress down and sleep in the Bunny Room!’

Brilliant idea! Not actually with the bunnies… for only their memory-much-hallowed remains. (And perhaps the odd wayward wisp of tail fluff clinging to the depths of the chimney).

For several years Roland and Olly had shared their Room with every tat-filled cardboard box we hadn’t unpacked since moving in. After their tragic departure George leapt into action chucking, tiling, painting, furnishing with snaffled bits and pieces and Loh! it became a real room!

Why on earth had we put up with festering sweatily upstairs for almost a week of boiling temperatures?

That night, armed simply with mattress, pillows, radio, gripping Harlan Coben "Tell No-one" in The (baffling) French (mine), George’s magazine of music accoutrements for problem-free performances and where to get them cheap, glass of water, alarm clock, notebook for overnight mustn’t-forgets or blockbuster inspirations, and the phone - we arranged our new quarters.

‘Comfy?’ murmured George. ‘Very,’ said I, snuggling down in blissful cool.

George had hardly set off on Major Snoring when there came a deep rumble from the walls.

What the Bloody Hell - ? Surely, even our industrial machine afficionado next door would balk at midnight mowing?

Could it be our classic-car-loving neighbour opposite, testing the engine on his Citroën Traction for an imminent rally? Noo - he does urgent tweaks with the sunrise.

Probably an unusually Heavy goods train - ignore it and go to sleep.

A muffled yet terrifying explosion burst into our dozings. A crackle, a buzz, a tinkling… a shudder.

‘Go and see what it is!’ hissed George.

I fib. But he didn’t get out of mattress either.

And then it dawned on us – the Bunnyroom Fridge! We never spend time with this fridge because we have a tiny one in our tiny kitchen. This one houses overload – wine, beer, water, bread, ice cream... Pack of emergency apero nibbles for those awkward unexpected landings of the ‘God - Did you eat All those peanuts?’ and ‘Couldn’t they flaming-well phone first?’ variety.

Anyway, The Fridge was obviously struggling. Too much ice cream? Too few defrostings? Didn’t it like its new position stuffed discreetly behind the bookcase?

A fleeting moment in Dormant mode was inadequate, before it cranked up its gears and blasted off again like something out of Terminator. In fact, I’m sure I heard it take a step.

Blimey - is it dangerous? Or could it be that all fridges sound like this, but are ignored under the cacophony of radio, pan-clattering, talking, singing and general everyday trumpetings…

The Fridge spat, revved up grumpily and continued its ranting.


When the sun finally lasered through the unaccustomed glass door, we’d managed approximately four minutes sleep.

We scrunched up our mattress and bits, and abandoned Sleeping with The Fridge for ever.

But the dreadful thing is – Every Night for five long years, we shut our poor bunnies in with That Thing.

And they have big ears...


Jon said...

Don't fret DD - I'm sure it didn't affect them. Bunnies are very good at filtering out noise that is unimportant to the daily round of nibbling and eating greens.

JW10 said...

“In fact, I’m sure I heard it take a step.”

You almost made me fall off the chair with that quip, Dolores. Great, great blog, very funny.

You obviously have not got your fridge house-trained. First thing to do to domesticate it is adorn it with lots of magnets. Fridges love these sorts of things. Then take it for a walk, as you said it walks, avoid shops that say “No Fridges Allowed” and let it defrost itself behind a suitable tree.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hi Jon - well that's very reassuring, thank you.

Although d'you think their Nibbling of the Wires was sneaky retaliatory action? Or maybe nibbling was the very Cause of the fridge problem...

Dolores Doolittle said...

Thankee greatly JW. What a splendid idea, going for a walk with My Friend, the Fridge!

I like the idea of discreet defrosting - perhaps I should take a plastic bag too.

It can have the Three-marmottes magnet for a start, and what else... should I sing to it perhaps?
(or perhaps not).

Gadgets of today, eh? They don't know they're born...

Canary Islander said...

Crikey Dolores!
We sleep with a chest freezer tucked away in a far corner of our bedroom. It's where we keep all our frozen meats, but I don't want to rabbit on about that...

Dolores Doolittle said...

Good heavens CI - Sleeping with a Chest Freezer! And how on earth d'you "tuck it away"?

Thankee for not dwelling on the varieties of frozen Flesh for I'm of a delicate disposition, but I am Fascinated by the gurglings it must emit. Are they tuneful or is it super-insulated? or is it switched off overnight...

Expat said...

Clearly, the spirits of Roland and Olly have melded with The Fridge, their night-time companion for so many years. And now your beloved pets are reaching out to you across the cosmos, using the cool guy as their medium.

How do I deduce this? Elementary my dear DD. 'Twas not a simple step that you heard. That was the opening dance sequence of the Bunny Hop.

Canary Islander said...

Our bedroom has an opening into an en-suite, which where we keep the chest freezer. That's where we tuck our tuck until we want to tuck into some of it.

The freezer is next to the washing machine, which is confusing. Frozen undies make a terrible racket in the washing machine if it is set to cold wash.

But we don't lose sleep over it, because we don't wash frozen undies at night.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hi Expat - Thank you greatly for such a Wonderfully Warming thought(so much nicer than a souvenir head in the bed)...

Heavens, CI, your en suite sounds veritably Palatial - does it have a bar area and dance floor?

JW10 said...

A lot of people round my way take advantage of the lighter electricity tariff at night and put their washing machines on late in the evening. I can't stand the unbearable noise and head to the local pub for peace and quiet. As soon as I get there I am greeted by the sight of all the regulars with their fridges by their sides.
The usual excuse is.

"The wife told me to take the fridge for a walk."

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hi JW - Speed-Fridging - what a splendid idea! Who knows what exciting pairings may arise?

Canary Islander said...

My fridge is made by Hotpoint. That puzzles me lots. And I'm worried what Speed-Fridging would do for the Fridgid.

Why doesn't the word Refrigerator have a letter "d" in it, as in the word Fridge?

So many questions, so few answers...

Canary Islander said...

PS. Urgent helpo required in Tenerife!

Dolores Doolittle said...

Hi CI - you have a jolly good point or two there... (pensive face). But bloody hell, I thought refridgerator DID have a 'd' - I see from 17 online dictionaries that you are ridght - Fiend of Language!

(ps - off to Tenerife)

Expat said...

I think that Fridge may have derived from Frigidaire (frigid air...too funny)which was a popular early model of refrigerator, although the D is not in quite the right place. It's a bit like Hoover or Kleenex or Xerox, isn't it?

Anyway, without the D it would be in "What the Frig!"

Canary Islander said...

I think we should dump the letter "D" in all further comments here.

I just love "Olores Oolittle"


Dolores Doolittle said...

Very true, Expat, although confusion can arise... my Aussie brother tells me that 'urex in Oz is Sticky Tape. One wouldn't make the mistake twice though, would one?

CI - "what the frig" d'you mean by this de-D-ing! Though it has a pleasant ring to it, in fact.

Canary Islander said...

Hello OoOo!
I'm gla' to see you took my goo' a'vice and 'umpe' that 'urex letter!

Dolores Doolittle said...

CI - I Live by your avice!

Canary Islander said...

Happy Birthday!

Dolores Doolittle said...

Oh CI - you're Amazing!!

Thankee Hugely - we've just come in from a sumptuous lunch, and your comment has finished it off with a splendid Twinkle! much love & kisses to you and Kathy!