Oh Hell! Why did I ask?
Well, because they’re our leylandii, they’re growing at the rate of Woody Allen’s pudding in “Sleeper”…
(I should point out that the pudding in the film is doubling in volume every 3 seconds).
… and when I asked him last year he said Don’t worry - he’d take care of it. So I suppose I imagined...
This year, the trees have grown at a ridiculous rate, and in France it’s definitely the Owner of the Hideous Greenth who is responsible for obliterating it, specially on the neighbour’s side; I reckon we’re lucky he's never retaliated for our blocking out half his sun...
Any enthusiasm we have for gardening is in the less daunting tasks: George mows the grass and tramples mole-mountains; I rip out Brown things and stick in red and yellow and blue and variegated ones.
A gardener would be splendid but beyond budget, particularly one who does Trees. Such gifted artisans are regarded with Awe, and arrive Proudly Overendowed with accoutrements both terrifying and ear-splitting. And Very Large invoices.
We have been advised, by leylandii-neighbour and by an unbiased neighbour opposite who simply dreams of owning such an implement, to buy an electric Saw-on-a-Stick.
This sounds a little scarey to me – waving a pole around with an uncontrollable slicing thing on the end, surely demands Years of Training and indestructible body armour. I think all we have is a pair of goggles and an ancient horse-riding helmet. (Although they worked for Darth)...
And, we must do our duty.
After in-depth study of this week’s junk mail we have pinpointed the weapon. Tomorrow we shall sally forth to procure one, and later this week, when we have no students, no urgent appointments, and no more Excuses, we shall Lop these Fiendish Leylandii to within an inch of their very souls!!
And May The (Ground) Force be with us!
...(to appreciate the Full Hilarity of that jest, it might help to know that 'Groundforce' was a gardening programme well-beloved in the UK)
I realise it might not help...
20 comments:
Do be careful, Dear Heart. I'm sure that the Thing On The Stick you will wield with aplomb, but those lumps of leylandii can be jolly heavy.
Good Lord, Dolores! How high is that hedge?
We have an electric saw-on-a-stick for dead branches on our very tall trees. They're not too hard to handle...honest. We got if after John leaned a ladder against a tree and got up there with a regular chain saw --and fell spectacularly.
Thankee greatly for your concern, Jon - I have passed on the warning to George, whose Aplomb it will be Up the Tree.
I shall be doing my best On Lookout, from a distance. But George is exceeding careful at such times...
Expat - your comment is Most Encouraging, although I do hope John's injuries with the Regular weren't too dire.
In fact, we've just been out to get the Thing, and on the way home we've thought of zillions of bits that can be sliced off with it - It's SO Exciting!
Good - well, that's enough gardening for now, then...
Looks like CI's blog is down.
My god! what can this mean? Do they have mafia and The Like in the Canaries?
Come Back, CI!!
Oh dear. I have somehow managed to block out images from you, CI and JW. HELP.
Block them out, Expat? One is confused as to what exactly you meaneth - From this angle, things on DD and JW look the same...
Can you get Jon D OK? (I feel like I'm at Bletchley Park secret coding facility)
I'm here! Recieving you strength 8!
But what has happened to CI???? There is just a void. With links.
Arrrgh!!!
Expat is right, I can’t see our avatars in either DD or JW comments, the photos of Blackpool are missing from JW’s blog, and all my stuff has vanished!!! :-(
I hesitate to ask this, Dolores, but have you been connecting your electric saw-on-a-stick to the web? :-)
Have That, Jonner! (that's how the SAS do it, You Know)...
But are we going to have to send them on a Search & Rescue for CI?
Has he had to go into hiding for Adventurings Too Far? Has he been Kidnapped? Or is he hidden in a Secret Government Bunker, saving the Universe?
No - he's there! Just above you. But what has happened to his stuff?????
Do Blogger do back-ups?
THANK GOD YOU'RE THERE, CI!!
Yours and Expat's troubles are indeed Weird... All avatars are present and correct from here.
As for the chainsaw - perhaps I'd better Unplug...
Have you been infilrating places you shouldn't, CI?
What's To Be Done What's To Be Done What's To Become Of Us?? (I'm panicing).
Can you think of no strange moves (of a blogging variety) you've made, CI?
Perhaps we should all have a nice cup of tea, and all your stuff will better in the morning, CI...
I jolly hope so
Crikey, Dolores! Unplugging the chainsaw has helped a bit!
Avatars have reappeared in the comments, and I can now see JW's photos!! (my stuff is still AWOL, but I've got backups in WORD documents, and I've just republished a poem successfully.
Errr, have you been using a hairdryer recently? :-)
Woo Hoo. Pics are back up on my end!
Mysteriouser and mysteriouser...
So, it wasn't actually something I did? That's a relief!
Much have been a glitch with the blog host, then.
Great CI, and just been over to see your poem - a favourite that I had Already learnt by Heart!
Glad stuff's back for you too, Expat. Isn't it worrying that we can be plunged Instantly into such disarray at the Evil Whim of... Who? (or What)?
Good Afternoon Dolores,
Instead of "Lightsabreing" the huge tree, have you considered climbing it? I'm thinking of Jack and the Beanstalk. Maybe, just maybe, there's a bag of Gold coins at the top of it.
(I've been away for a few days and missed all the Blogger problems)
Hi JW - Yes, I have considered GEORGE climbing it...
In fact, yesterday he plunged into it on his daring ladder-with-platform-thing (or 'échafaudage' as we are wont to call it here).
He was gone for Hours,but on emerging claimed to have found no
Bullion whatsoever. Bt the leylandii are now a bit Shorter In Parts.
(He was just practising, apparently).
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