Radical Thoughts

(from the teachings of Wikipedia):
“The oil of wintergreen is used topically (diluted) or aromatherapeutically for muscle and joint discomfort, arthritis, cellulite, obesity, edema, poor circulation, headache, heart disease, hypertension, rheumatism, cramps, inflammation, eczema, hair care, psoriasis, gout, ulcer (dermatology), broken or bruised bones…”

… and haven’t we all suffered from at least seven of these foul afflictions?

Traditionally, now is the time of year when they seem particularly irritating; the weather’s bleak, your best Christmas present is broken and your bottom has become a Pavement Hazard.

Well Au Contraire! (As we say in Bognor). I love post-Christmas. The cold is invigorating yet a great excuse for not gardening; my beloved Betty Boop watch did indeed stop working, but was revived by a new battery; and I have revelled in a guilt-free Christmas sugar mountain.

I once heard that the start of February and NOT January is the best time to revolutionise oneself with diet or things of that ilk - Pchaw to Resolutions of the Brand New Year!

With this in mind, I’ve spent the last ten days shovelling away Christmas dregs in order to consume Everything by the February deadline. Even those ghastly lumps of fruit-tinted jelly that George has weirdly grown to quite like.

From today, 3rd Feb, Things will be Different! (It had to be postponed from the 1st owing to dastardly vat of duck paté with figs that had to be finished). But now, No More sugar, far less alcohol, and mini-trampolining every day to deep-rhythm music from Christmas DVD of ‘TrueBlood’ theme (have you seen this fabulous vampires-in-the-community series?). (I chose a gentle link here, but there are still a few Teeth):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6bh4ka3Roc
((I can't get this damn video clip to play, but the music's great if you can go to the bother of copy & pasting into the http slot))

What else? Radically get my hair cut for the first time in four months, learn to give proper English lessons and speak proper French, blog at least once a fortnight, write a famous novel, paint the kitchen, chop down twenty feet of our ghastly leylandii, become a radio continuity announcer because it sounds such fun, invent a self-emptying cat tray, travel the world and save people, and… and be generally sort of Revolutionised.

So exciting! Why didn’t I do this last February? Or the Feb before...

Where to begin? Well, the cat tray would be useful but the hair’s more pressing so I'll ring them tomorrow. The leylandii are Huge – I expect George would like to do those. People to save... in times of snow & powercut I usually try to save our elderly neighbours, but they always send me away snortingly. I'm not sure why - But I mustn't let it put me off.

Maybe the best First Thing would be to find that tin of Ivory Cream Steam-defying Washable we bought last summer and - Oh Sod It! Where's that bottle of Wintergreen...

Mastering the Kazoo

God!! The hellish family feuding, the desperate over-spending, indigestible pudding, endless bacchanalia... Actually George and I prefer to keep all that for the rest of the year, so we're bouncing into 2008 after a Fat and Friendly Christmas repose.

George bought me a Kazoo. Recently I was dazzled by an impressive rendition on Sorry I Haven't a Clue, and he apparently made a note.

I love this present - it's the only musical instrument I can play, and I've discovered a Definite Gift for it. (In spite of the fact that when I first picked it up I blew down the wrong end, and then didn't make the necessary dzuh dze dzuh dzuh noises).

But now I've mastered it, my Sooty and Sweep impressions are unsurpassable. Plus, I can play along to any song, can summon the cats from twenty miles away, and need never more be tongue-tied at parties.

One of George's presents (sadly he had to ask for this and then order it himself on the net) is some weird contraption for recording and instant replay of musical phrases so you can make layers of music and build up a backing. Hours of pleasure and great practice for the musically talented.

And George is musically talented. In fact when we met at a party, he wooed me with his Eric Clapton guitar-playing - Wonderful. Then six months later he discovered Cajun music and took up the accordion. Agonising.

With relentless determination he kept going until he was good enough to start a group back in the UK, and they ended up being very well-known in the World of Cajun, playing clubs, festivals, weddings, Oxford balls, biker gatherings - to name but seven...

He's played here in France too, and now, of course, I can attend gigs not only in Groupie Capacity, but as " - PLEASE WELCOME, ON KAZOO..."

Can't wait to suggest it.