Friday, August 12, 2011

'I'm 97 Million Years Old you know, Dear!!'

'Or is it 96… I don’t think they've successfully melted my memory…’

Is This a vision of the future? Not nuclear-wasted or obliterated by foul virus, but cryonically preserved at the last moment - for future defrosting?

Robert Ettinger, pioneer of Cryonics - freezing people - died in July 2011 aged 92, and is now the 106th person to be preserved in liquid nitrogen. He joins a wife and two sons…

At least, he's the 106th of the Cryonics Institute       ( http://www.cryonics.org/ )
but Who Knows what devilish experiments are going on in dank cellars the world over…


(Above: labouring over Frankenstein).

I think it was Woody Allen, unleashed from his Bacofoil in ‘Sleeper’, who first brought this fascinating yet demented concept to my attention…


This is his Robot Butler disguise as he battles with an Instant Pudding wearing hat of the season. 
(For those who haven't seen Sleeper, he comes back 200 years after a routine operation in 1973 - it's a surprise to everyone).

The idea of cryonics, apparently, is that those who are considered dead now, may not really be dead according to the much cleverer medecine of the future. And naturally, people of the future will want to revive all these ice-bodies and welcome them into a brave new world.

WHY will they? This is, in fact, one of the FAQs of people pondering such preservation. BECAUSE, is the Frequent Answer, they’ll be under contract to!  (One thinks of those  reliable contracts to get your roof done or your phone provider changed...).

They will be members of a cryonics community of the future. As I understand it, this community will defrost you and welcome you as friend and family, and sort out your exciting new life with them!  There might even be a nice community gate... 



I suppose, if you are inclined towards a Further Adventure Beyond, this sounds almost encouraging.  And cryonics only costs around 28,000 dollars at the moment, so Hurry while Stocks last!  (nitrogen, jymjams, Kendal Mint Cake).

I may have watched too many bleak futuristic films, but I can’t help envisaging evil robots and acid rains and lab-humans, rather than kind, beaming people who will merrily cure one's impetigo… 

There's a sinister Roald Dahl Tale of the Unexpected  called "William and Mary", where the domineering husband is returned as An Eye - probably not quite what he'd had in mind - and his wife looks forward to puffing endless forbidden cigarettes at him while knocking back endless forbidden drinks... 

I bet cryonics communities don't warn you about that do they?




21 comments:

Canary Islander said...

I think you arrive in the future where they super-heat you and send you back. That's why really super-cool people become really hot and trendy later on. Which is why they can afford it.

Yes, that makes perfect sense, I think.
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Yep CI - I'd say you've cracked it! - the Answer was Never going to be 42...

JW10 said...

This is all a big con, if you ask me. These frozen people when they they're defrosted will be looking for 98 million years worth of birthday presents from their future kin.
Right on! Count me in, Dolores. Somebody order the fridge.

Bobby Ettinger, you're a genius, sir.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Bring on the Choc, JW! Not to mention all those unfrozen assets to recuperate! (whatever those are).

It's beginning to sound slightly less ghastly. Except for 97million years of wrinkles to despatch...

Canary Islander said...

Do you think the promoters of cryonics will end up in hot water?
:-)

Jon said...

I think they could catch a cold on this one. Ahem.

As anyone who has attempted to defrost a long-forgotten chicken lost in the depths of the freezer knows, the texture of the meat goes all spongy and horrid after a couple of years. I can't see 97 million years doing anyone's complexion any good.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Yes I do, CI - and no more than they deserve! But one can envisage a Huge bubbly spa bath up in the mountains where we'd all defrost at a gentler simmer...



... which would Not improve the image You evoke, Jon! Does that Really happen to the poor old chicken? Would a pre-emptive splatting of RevitaWrinkle help, perhaps... Anyway, I'm going to run and eat all the icecream before it's too late.

Canary Islander said...

I've just realised the Cryonics Institute and I have something in common...
:-(

Canary Islander said...

Initially, I didn't notice...
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

Very glad you put that second comment in, CI, cos for a moment I was Baffled by the first! My brain evidently could do with a good freeze and a return for a second go...

Canary Islander said...

Yes Dolores!
Just think of George's Smiley when he spies you coming in from the cold...
:-)

JW10 said...

DD, I like your anti-wrinkle cream idea for the frozen chicken. I'm sure there's a TV programme called Make-up for pets. In 97 million years time maybe plastic surgery for pets will be commonplace.
Botox for your bats, perhaps.

Dolores Doolittle said...

CI, I'm thinking deeply of George's Smiley at this very moment.


Make-up and plastic surgery for pets, JW? I think our Mulder & Scully-cats could benefit - Scully certainly tummy-sweeps the path as she wends her way down the garden...

Canary Islander said...

George Smiley is the "Spy Who Came in from the Cold" in the novel by John Le Carré...

And now (sob), in the words of Lawrence Oates, I am just going outside and may be some time...

:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

CI - bizarrely, I actually knew that, and appreciated your hilarity!

And now my good Oates, Please do your vest up...

Canary Islander said...

Yippee! I'm glad you thaw through me!
:-)

Dolores Doolittle said...

You loony, CI!

Do you know the puns of Tim Vine?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uc8RK-iv8yw

I'm sure you'll like him... In fact you should think of double-acting!

Expat said...

Coming late to this blog, I am now hopelessly left out in the cold...

I'm thinking,though,of how to cut the cost for the average punter. Now, the company I consult to does artificial ground freezing for construction excavation purposes. So, why not adapt this principle and just plop those bent on coming back into the ground and freeze 'em en masse? I Much cheaper by the several dozen. And when the freeze plant is turned off in the dim and distant future, they'll wake up surrounded by their historical (or hysterical)contemporaries.

I'm off to file a patent as we speak...

Dolores Doolittle said...

Good Heavens Expat - Brilliant idea!It's clear why you're a Busy consultant!

Would one be frozen in an insect-proof bag so that bits would remain more or less intact? (And to stop our mad-cow diseases leaking I suppose...). Perhaps slightly pale, we'd rise in a merry throng to regain our youthful vigour.

Signing up Now

Expat said...

No need for body bags, Dolores. The complete soil matrix surrounding you would be frozen, so all the critters in it would be encapsulated and suspended in time, too.

I think there may be a few quirks to work out, but I'm sure I'm on to something. And if I'm wrong, why there's going to be no-one around to complain. Perfick.

Dolores Doolittle said...

Expat this gets ever more astonishing! There are going to be some very surprised little critters thawing out... It'll be like Jurassic Park